Wondering How It Might End

Wondering How It Might End

For Bailey’s 10^th birthday we celebrated by throwing a party at Urban Dog. We had rented the entire place so friends and family could pay tribute to the dog that had become everybody’s friend. Dogs played in Urban Dog’s huge recreational area while owners and friends enjoyed food and drinks up front. We even had a birthday cake and sung Happy Birthday to Bailey. I remember thanking everyone for coming and declaring that the next big celebration would be his Bark Mitzvah when he turns 13.

Yet amongst this happy group of people and canines I found myself worrying about the time that Bailey and I had left. By all accounts Bailey was in perfect health. At the same time I knew that 10-years old was a long life for a lab. Although I told no one, my biggest fear was finding out that Bailey had cancer. I remember the story of a colleague’s yellow lab named Reagan. Reagan was about Bailey’s age when he was diagnosed with cancer—and it took Reagan’s life very quickly. By the time the vet had identified the cancer, Reagan lasted only a few days.

What would life be like without Bailey? I couldn’t bear the thought.

From that point on, every time Bailey’s sensitive stomach began acting up I wondered if this was the beginning of the end. Would he ever eat again? Would I have only a few days left with Bailey just like Reagan and his owner? And every time Bailey bounced back and began eating again I would tell him: “Keep dodging bullets Bails. I need you with me.”

Sometime around his 10^th birthday Bailey developed a small lump on his side. Once again, the thought of cancer dominated my thoughts. Although Dr. Tung didn’t think it was malignant we wouldn’t know for sure until the lump was removed.

In typical Bailey fashion, he rebounded from the surgery like nothing happened. In fact, the surgery took a greater toll on Melinn and I. Melinn was horrified to see that a large part of Bailey’s left side had been shaved. I think it may have been the first time that Bailey’s mortality became real for Melinn.

But the surgery was not even half the battle—we still had to get confirmation from the lab that the lump was not cancerous. When I saw Dr. Tung’s number appear on my call display, my heart stopped. “Its just as I thought”, Dr. Tung said. “Its benign.” I was overcome with a sense of relief. “Dodged another bullet Bails.”

Each successive trip to Dr. Tung’s office brought more and more questions about Bailey’s health. Every time Bailey had his blood or stools tested I worried about the result. It seemed that every older dog I had ever heard of had lost a battle with cancer. How could he ever avoid this fate?

While living in Dunedin, FL I remember reading about the oldest dog on record—a 21-year old yellow lab. I would remind Dr. Tung that 21 was the goal—I reminded Bailey too. “Hang in there Bails. We’ve got lots of time left.”

I wish I was not writing. I wish I could tell you that 21 was still the goal. But in January 2011 we had we began what was the beginning of the end…